Change. At times it can be your greatest enemy, and at other times, your greatest ally. Everybody goes through some sort of change in their life whether they like it or not. Maybe moving to a different house, getting a new job, making new friends, or picking up new hobbies. Every change we go through in life makes us who we are, and we can decide to either let those changes make us, or break us.
Over this last home leave, all us SM's had a lot of time to just talk and reminisce with each other. We talked about a lot of things but one thing that was really fun was to reveal our first impressions of each other back at the beginning of the year. And as we all went around and talked about how we felt about each other it was just amazing to see how most of our perceptions were totally off, which they often are when you meet someone for the first time. But the even cooler thing to listen to was the different ways in how we all feel that we've changed. I am not the same person I was when I got here last August, nor is Alec, Jessica, Sara, Krista, or Paul. These people know me as the person I've become, not the one I was. We all made a decision somewhere in the middle of this experience to embrace the changes going on within us, not fight them. And in turn we have all become better people because of it.
I was talking with Jessica the other day and I was trying to describe to her how I was feeling about my experience this year. And as we were talking I just got sick to my stomach at the thought of not seeing the other SM's when I go back home. I've gone through the most amazing experience of my life this year and they were there every step of the way. We have all grown so much and have so many talents to bring to the table and it makes me sad that I won't see them in action all the time like I do here. But isn't that what it's all about? Becoming a new person with new talents, new perspectives, and taking them to the rest of the world? When you make an inner change that increases the good in yourself, you have a responsibility to share that with others. Changes are not meant to be bottled up and enjoyed only by you and a few others. We are not all meant to stay in Egypt forever and enjoy our changes by ourselves. We were meant to go back home, to college, to our friends, and to the others around us and hopefully affect them in some way. Being unafraid to be who you are, even if you've changed, consciously allows others to do the same.
I got an email from a friend a couple weeks back. It's the best email I've received all year. He was talking about how he had wished he had come with me this year. He said he hadn't taken enough risks in his life and was feeling stagnant. I knew exactly what he was talking about because that was me last year. He reminded me of a conversation that we had before I came here and just shared with me how it really affected him in these last months. He said, "even though you're in Egypt, you're still affecting me back here. You've shown me that I need to take more risks and I'm going to work on doing that." Looking at your own life, recognizing you need change, and not being afraid to make it gives others the confidence to do it as well.
I've learned a lot of new things this year and a couple new talents. It's easy to use them here in Egypt because I learned them here and people are used to it. People are used to seeing me up front with a guitar in my hands. People are used to seeing this version of myself because that's what I've become here. People are not used to that back home. The next step is taking this person I've become and not being afraid to apply it there. I was telling Sara the other day that I never want to go back to who I was. I love this version of me and I feel that God brought me here to create this version of me. I told her that even if I lose some friends along the way because of it, it's worth it to me because this is who I want to be. Now if you're one of my friends, please don't take that as a stab at you. It's just that we might not have the same interests anymore and eventually we'll grow apart. And that's Ok. It's called life. All of us need to find our own path. And trust me if you haven't found what I've found, someday you will and you'll understand.
So yes I'm going to miss these people terribly and yes I can't wait to see them again at some point when we're back home. But I'm even more excited to see where we all end up in the coming years and to always have a bond with them that nobody else will ever understand.
