Full Circle

I have come full circle. At the beginning of this year I was exhausted. The first week we were here was made up of culture shock, midnight Nile cruises, trying to get ready for school, and an engagement party that went till 1:30 in the morning (well, that's when we left. Oh and it was the night before classes started.) I was an emotional wreck. I don't know if you read any of my earlier blogs but the honeymoon stage of my SM year did not last long. I was sick of being here within the first couple weeks. I realized that I was going to do the same thing every day for the next nine months. I drove myself crazy thinking about my friends and what they were doing back home without me.

Eventually, with a lot of prayer and some help from my fellow SM's, I was able to except my situation. I learned to enjoy the small things about my day and began to realize that not every day was the same; I was just missing the subtle changes that, if noticed, are usually the most memorable.  It was an all out wrestling match with God who was fighting for my very heart. I'd kept it to myself for so long and even though I knew I wanted to give it up, I just didn't know how. I came here wanting to learn how to love and care for others again, something I felt I'd lost somewhere along the way. Slowly but surely, I got to a point where I was just tired of fighting. I accepted that I was going to be here for the rest of the year and I might as well enjoy it while I'm here.
That was about the time my parents got here. It was awesome to get to share my world with them and finally have someone from home who could understand what I was going through. Traveling with them was a whole nother adventure in itself but it gave me the break I needed. I actually got to the point where I was excited to come back. I missed the students. I missed my job. I missed the other SM's. I even missed the cafe food. (a little bit) I was so ready to get back to school and I had all these plans in my head of how this semester was going to be better.

Then, it happened. Our history teacher decided to go home because of some personal issues and guess who got to pick up his three history classes....... I was so excited. I always felt that even though I taught P.E. I never really connected with the students as well as the other SM's because I didn't teach in the classroom. Needless to say it has definitely given me more work this semester but I have loved every minute of it. There is nothing like trying to teach 34 tenth graders all in the same room whom, no matter how good of a teacher I am, would rather be somewhere else. It's OK I get it. I never wanted to be in class in tenth grade either. They have given me the patience of a saint and I will be forever grateful to them for that.
Like I said I've come full circle. I was exhausted at the beginning of the year and I'm exhausted now. Most days I dread teaching class. (until I get in the classroom) I'm burned out, I'm tired, and yet I'm completely at peace. I will leave Egypt with no regrets. I've done, seen, and heard it all. I've been from the 5 star resorts, to the remote villages. I've been from the border of Sudan to the Mediterranean. I've been from the White Desert in the west, to Mt. Sinai in the east. But the thing that has filled me the most is the experiences I'll never forget with my students. I'll never forget Suzan who claims that someone is bothering her everyday that I walk into class. I'll never forget Kuny for giving me every excuse in the book for why she can't play in P.E. today. And I'll never forget the incredible love that all the students have shown me this year. They truly loved me from the minute I stepped onto campus and have never stopped. If anyone has taught me how to love this year, it has been them. And so yes, I'm exhausted. But it's a feeling of accomplishment, instead of defeat. It's a feeling of self awareness, instead of confusion. And it's a feeling that I will forever be indebted to God for, because I finally realize that he has been behind it all the whole way. He's blessed me so much this year. Even in ways I never planned on.